I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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