It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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