Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
