My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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