found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
