i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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