Don't you send me to vm
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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