maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
