Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
