I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
