I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
