Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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