you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
