So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
