Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
