Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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