If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
