When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
