If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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