The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
