It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
