imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
