Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
