What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
