Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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