what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
