There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
