u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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