he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
