I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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