i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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