i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
