When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
