i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
