Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Randomize
