I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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