apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
