Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
