I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
