are you still at the devil's house?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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