i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
