I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
her vagine was all disorganized.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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