he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
3 2 1 whiskey
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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