Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
