Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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