we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
