Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
