We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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