we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
