Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
