if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
