His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
COCAINE IS GR8
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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