So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
