she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
